the I Hate My Boyfriend Club.

Who has a girl friend who constantly bashes her man?  I could name a few, easily. 

WHY DO THEY DO IT? Seriously, why?  Does anyone know? 

There’s the age old rule that “we women are supposed to stick together.”  I can value that.  The rule clearly does not state “we women are supposed to fight each other’s battles.”  This applies in all instances, not solely relationship woes. 

If a female constantly bashed her significant other, at least one of these assumptions would be made:

·        He is everything she says he is. 

·        He is perfect (she says so herself on alternate days of the week).

·        She needs to break up with him.

·        He needs to break up with her crazy ass.

·        She doesn’t value respect; towards herself or her boyfriend.

When a woman lays it all out on the table, she is inviting others to pass judgment and form their own opinions.  It may not be fair, but it’s certainly a fact. 

If she hates [her boyfriend, her husband, her fiancé, the guy she slept with last Saturday] so much, then what is she doing with him?  He’s apparently AWFUL and doesn’t want to be with him.  

He may also be the greatest guy in the world, but they may not be great together.  Is he at fault for that? 

Continuing to stay in a situation that you seek advice about on a frequent basis leads me to believe that you do not consider the advice that I share.  You’ve made your bed, now lie in it and stop complaining.  It doesn’t seem that you truly think you’re worth what you say you are.  If you deserved better, you would go out and find yourself something better.  Being negative and seeking pity may get you attention from your friends (for a little while), but it won’t get you the companionship you’re looking for with a man. Not only are you selling yourself short, but you’re also trash talking the man you claim to love.  Neither of you deserve that.

While I can’t speak for myself, a lot of women are in happy, healthy relationships and actually cherish the time they spend with their guy.  It’s true that sometimes a girl’s night is just NECCESSARY.  But when couples are all hanging out together, isn’t the point to actually HANG OUT TOGETHER?  Splitting up into two groups makes me think of playing when we were kids… the boys must have cooties. 

Let’s be honest, I never thought they had cooties, I was boy crazy.

No one wants to be caught in the middle, especially not the girl who is friends with your boyfriend and doesn’t hate him the way you seem to, and/or is happily dating her own boyfriend.  What’s the point of group dates when the girls are all in the other room complaining about their “other halves?” 

I Hate My Boyfriend Club Meetings are held every night with the other self-obsessed, delusional, impossible-to-please bitches.

You just don't seem like the type.

Last summer, my then-boyfriend was working overnight shifts, so I was trying to make up for lost time with some friends while he wasn't around.  I had made the mistake of being socially M.I.A quickly into the relationship, and getting caught up in my life with him [or lack-there-of.] I had a lot of catching up to do.

One of the first friends that I reconnected with was someone I had known for about eleven years. We were always friends, but not very close.  The fact that he was M.I.A. with a girlfriend for a majority of them is a large contributing factor to the distance between us. Apparently, guys are equally guilty of getting wrapped up in their significant others.

We had attempted this meeting once before, but the moment I found out my boyfriend was off work early I ditched.  I didn't make an excuse, either.  I may have still been immature enough to screw up my priorities, but I knew better than to tell tales.  My boyfriend was coming home, period.  Plans were cancelled.

My forgiving friend agreed to reschedule.  I'm known to text someone an hour before dinner and asking if they're available, if not, I guess I'll catch ya next time I'm free.  It's still tough now, but because I have two jobs, a social life [sometimes debatable because of the two jobs and my dog], and my own hobbies; my life no longer revolves around someone else.

The reason why I am sharing this story isn't because of my poor decision making when it came to prioritizing people in my life.  Ironically, it's quite the opposite.  At dinner, my friend told me that he didn't see me as the type to ever settle down, or get married, or have a family.  I would basically live in a bachelorette pad, on my own, and be happy doing so.

I couldn't decide if I was insulted or in complete agreement.

I have to admit, it's been eight months since this guy and I broke up, and I haven't dated anyone since.  I've gone on dates, but have kept my distance.  I would say that I "let it fizzle," but that would require there being an initial spark, right?  I don't think I've even allowed that.

It may have been there, or had potential, but the fact is:  I'm not seeking anything out, so nothing really stood a chance.  I genuinely enjoy being single.  The times where it should bother me most, when RSVP-ing to a wedding, for example, don't even phase me.  In May, I had the best wedding date ever.  I think it will bother me more when she gets a boyfriend -- then I'm really alone.

I'm sorry for being so selfish, Duto.  I just want you to myself .
xoxo

I often joke about how I'm never getting married.  The ring that was converted from my grandmother's earring was sized for my wedding ring finger for a reason;  it's probably the nicest piece of jewelry that's ever going there.  The day that I crashed my Civic, I called my parents freaking out [and seeking help] to learn that they bought a boat with my wedding fund.  That ship has literally sailed.  To top it off, I loved babies when I was growing up.  And my goddaughter is the most beautiful baby I've ever held in my arms and is growing into an incredible little girl.  But if you ask me if I want to hold an infant, I'll most likely squirm.  I think they can smell my fear.

I always wanted to be the girl who married her high school sweetheart. Besides the fact that I hardly speak to the boys I dated in high school, more importantly; I am grateful that I did NOT marry any of them. That fairy tale isn't happening, so why try to be like some girl in the movies or even worse, write my story and just find  a guy to "fit the mold." That's more disturbing than single girls [or ones in new, slow-paced relationships] planning their weddings on Pinterest.  

Outside of the Bubble.

I used to be in a very tight-knit social circle.  As much as I adored my friends, I outgrew it.  There was a time where I was one of the guys, and loved the friendships I shared with them.  There were no fine lines, no secret romances, no awkward morning-afters.

[This is where I hope that for the past twenty-four years I have not been delusional.  Because there is always "that girl" who thinks she is one of the guys.  Truth be told she only has guy friends because 1) all girls HATE HER or 2) the guys keep her around to make fun of her.  I've seen that girl before, and please, shoot me if it's me... she's a desperate, ANNOYING, head case.]

Over the years, priorities changed for everyone.  Fair enough.  There is no harm in growing apart, and growing into "your own."  My issue wasn't the priorities, or the new rankings in each other's lives.  But at the same time, it was where we stood.  Am I making sense?

I may remember growing up differently than some did.  I know that I stopped spending time with the same crowd, day in and day out, for multiple reasons.  I met new people at work, I kept in touch with childhood friends who weren't necessarily in our "social circle," and I worked full-time.  Not because of some falling out or dramatic event... but because I was becoming who I wanted to be, as were my friends.  Maybe they didn't like everything about the maturing me.  But I had a tough time with their coming-of-age, too.

Ladies, did any of your guy friends reach that stage where you were no longer their girl friend?  Two words, NOT one, JUST a friend?  The stage where you were suddenly an object, or a "goal," for lack of a better term?

It genuinely hurt me -- and equally infuriated me -- when my guy friends gained this confidence cockiness where they felt it was appropriate to hit on me, to make remarks, to make me feel like they were only after one thing.  My feelings for them hadn't developed romantically overnight, and I'm certain most of theirs didn't either.  I don't know if that made it better or worse; the fact that they didn't have true feelings for me, so much as they had gross, post-pubescent desires and their logic was a little cloudy.

SINCE I'M NO THERAPIST, that's all irrelevant.  The bottom line is, where in this equation did people who hung out and watched movies, played basketball, or went to parties together as friends suddenly become dating prospects?  Why would I want to kiss you, date you, or spend any solitary time with you if we never, EVER imagined going down that path before?

What's worse?  When you're the object -- or you're only good for bringing them around?  There was also a time that while my presence was requested,  it was highly encouraged to bring along "hot, single friends."

• I know you pretty well.  Chances are I'll NEVER introduce you to a girl friend of mine.  If I thought you were worthwhile, wouldn't I want you for myself anyway?  [I'm kidding.]
• I have respect for my friends.  The same respect I thought you had for me.
• Stop making us feel objectified.  Period.

For the judgmental reader --  yes, I do have confidence.  No, I do not think that these guys find me to be amazing and lose sleep over me at night.  

I do think that they're lazy, sad excuses for "men."  Meet a girl outside of your social circle, out of your graduating class, and last, but not least, out of your baby sister's graduating class.  There ARE other fish in the sea.