You just don't seem like the type.

Last summer, my then-boyfriend was working overnight shifts, so I was trying to make up for lost time with some friends while he wasn't around.  I had made the mistake of being socially M.I.A quickly into the relationship, and getting caught up in my life with him [or lack-there-of.] I had a lot of catching up to do.

One of the first friends that I reconnected with was someone I had known for about eleven years. We were always friends, but not very close.  The fact that he was M.I.A. with a girlfriend for a majority of them is a large contributing factor to the distance between us. Apparently, guys are equally guilty of getting wrapped up in their significant others.

We had attempted this meeting once before, but the moment I found out my boyfriend was off work early I ditched.  I didn't make an excuse, either.  I may have still been immature enough to screw up my priorities, but I knew better than to tell tales.  My boyfriend was coming home, period.  Plans were cancelled.

My forgiving friend agreed to reschedule.  I'm known to text someone an hour before dinner and asking if they're available, if not, I guess I'll catch ya next time I'm free.  It's still tough now, but because I have two jobs, a social life [sometimes debatable because of the two jobs and my dog], and my own hobbies; my life no longer revolves around someone else.

The reason why I am sharing this story isn't because of my poor decision making when it came to prioritizing people in my life.  Ironically, it's quite the opposite.  At dinner, my friend told me that he didn't see me as the type to ever settle down, or get married, or have a family.  I would basically live in a bachelorette pad, on my own, and be happy doing so.

I couldn't decide if I was insulted or in complete agreement.

I have to admit, it's been eight months since this guy and I broke up, and I haven't dated anyone since.  I've gone on dates, but have kept my distance.  I would say that I "let it fizzle," but that would require there being an initial spark, right?  I don't think I've even allowed that.

It may have been there, or had potential, but the fact is:  I'm not seeking anything out, so nothing really stood a chance.  I genuinely enjoy being single.  The times where it should bother me most, when RSVP-ing to a wedding, for example, don't even phase me.  In May, I had the best wedding date ever.  I think it will bother me more when she gets a boyfriend -- then I'm really alone.

I'm sorry for being so selfish, Duto.  I just want you to myself .
xoxo
I often joke about how I'm never getting married.  The ring that was converted from my grandmother's earring was sized for my wedding ring finger for a reason;  it's probably the nicest piece of jewelry that's ever going there.  The day that I crashed my Civic, I called my parents freaking out [and seeking help] to learn that they bought a boat with my wedding fund.  That ship has literally sailed.  To top it off, I loved babies when I was growing up.  And my goddaughter is the most beautiful baby I've ever held in my arms and is growing into an incredible little girl.  But if you ask me if I want to hold an infant, I'll most likely squirm.  I think they can smell my fear.

I always wanted to be the girl who married her high school sweetheart. Besides the fact that I hardly speak to the boys I dated in high school, more importantly; I am grateful that I did NOT marry any of them. That fairy tale isn't happening, so why try to be like some girl in the movies or even worse, write my story and just find  a guy to "fit the mold." That's more disturbing than single girls [or ones in new, slow-paced relationships] planning their weddings on Pinterest.