Let's set the stage for this story. Spring break of 2009 I went to revisit my old college campus. I transferred from a school at the beach to a school back home my junior year - 660 miles apart from each other. Mistake Number One... of many.
This being my second year at the new school, combined with the fact that it was in my hometown, I had found my "comfort zone" and already gotten to know the partying, bar, and dating scene... quite well, to be accurate. I was dating a guy in a fraternity. Let me clarify - this fraternity, as fun as it was and cool as the guys were, was nothing like the Greek organizations at my old school, where I was a member of a sorority, as well. So in my opinion, these guys weren't exactly comparable to the men of reputable, southern schools with actual houses and parties that were thrown in venues, not basements.
That being said, fast forward to the break-up. Who even knows why we broke up specifically - he had lied to me about something and I wasn't having it. But, typical girl, I missed him and wanted to give it another shot. So the brilliant idea to go stay with my best friend and her boyfriend for spring break comes to mind. We'll see if "we still have a shot" with no one interfering. Rekindle what we had. (I'm rolling my eyes as I type.) And we travel twelve hours to Myrtle Beach straight through the night, snacks packed by his mother (one of those sweet ladies who thought we were meant to be, you know the type that thinks her son is perfect) and the iPod loaded with some music.
On the drive down, we're talking about everything under the sun. Gotta make the time pass. The subject of the fraternity comes up... it's in their nature to talk about themselves and the fact that they're "the shit" every few minutes. Possibly in the by-laws, I don't know. So it turns out there's been some tension in the house -- where my boyfriend doesn't live, by the way. He basically sleeps on couches when we aren't together and it already drives me nuts that he is a "moocher." (What am I doing with him if I can't stand him? Beats me.) The newest pledge class is apparently a group of good eggs. At a chapter meeting, they make an announcement about the well-known drug use in the house. From now on, at parties, there will be no smoking marijuana in the basement or first and second floors. Something like that. And harder drugs can't be done at all, or only on the third floor. I don't remember much of the details. I do remember, however, how livid he was. Who do these kids think they are saying we can't do what we want in our own house, they have been here for five minutes, blah blah blah.
Well, my dear, innocent boyfriend... why do you care so much? And this dumbass drops the ball that he enjoys some recreational coke every now and then... "what's the big deal, babe?"
I don't date kids who do drugs. Do whatever you please, friends of mine, I'm not judging. But my boyfriends don't do drugs. What blows my mind is that this guy has been lying to me for months about his habits, fully knowing that I don't want to be a part of it, and denying every accusation which turned out to be true. One time he texted everyone in his phone for pills; for his "friend." My 21st birthday, half-drunk, I come downstairs in the middle of the night to 10 dudes with their shirts off hovered around a counter doing coke. I'm so naive I don't even know what coke is, I just think they're being weird. So this is the icing on the cake. Why is he even with me if he knows I don't like what he is about? He should be with a girl who doesn't mind that stuff... I'd be fine with that. But now he's been lying to me for months.
This is going to be an awesome vacation!
We arrive and I meet my best friend's boyfriend. The kid is rubbing her feet while we watch a movie, and my boyfriend and I are sitting on opposite sides of the couch. That and many other disgusting, lovey-dovey exchanges between the two of them contribute to my conclusion that this relationship is a lost cause. We spend one night out at a bar where I meet up with some old friends, and my amazing boyfriend I couldn't wait for them to meet is in the corner doing shots by himself. This can't be real life.
A few nights into the trip, we have an opportunity for some space apart. I JUMP ON IT. He's got a friend who is also vacationing down there, they have some online assignment due before the end of the trip, they're going to get together to work on it and then have a guys night... I don't care what they do, this means I can go see my sorority sisters and spend the night with some old friends without him glued to my hip or feeding his alcoholism in the corner, whichever is worse.
Who knows how it all went down, who really cares for that matter? I don't think I even talked to him that night we were apart. We both clearly didn't miss each other. But in the morning my mind was made up. I packed his bag and put it outside his friends' condo where he had stayed. There was maybe a text message or two exchanged, and that was it. I called him later that week to make sure he had made it home and offered a ride pack to Pennsylvania, but he said he flew back a few days earlier.
It may have been the easiest, least drawn out break-up of my life. And most certainly the funniest.
Did he deserve it? Take the poll!
50 All-Time Favorite New Uses for Old Things
Just found this and I want to try everything! Kind of proud of myself for already knowing the shower hook - purse hanger trick!
farewell, 2k11
Tis the season for new years resolutions. Rather than make a list of unattainable personal goals, I'd like to stick with something that I feel I've told myself I would do, year in and year out. It would be an incredible year if three hundred and sixty five days from now, I could look back and honestly say "I've been true to myself." If only it were so easy.
Too many times to count, I've lost myself in the midst of trying to do for others. I spend so much time trying to make others happy, that I lose track entirely of anything that benefits me. I'm easy to please, by the way. Give me a friday night with my best boy friend, happy hour with one of my girlfriends, and three hours of DVR a week... I'm pretty content.
I can't blame anyone but myself for not taking care of 'me.' I chose to get caught up in things that I thought were right, saying it would come full circle and pay off, and only backfired in the end. But with all those things aside, though they're the toughest to get over, there's more.
I used to spend my free time scrapbooking. Laugh it up... it was a fun hobby, I'm crafty and I like my photo albums to be a little more personalized than a sleeve of pictures. Does anybody know how expensive and time consuming that "little hobby" is? I remember when I was making good money and I bought the Cricut machine for nearly $500. Cash. Who does that? I could have bought a nice watch or a purse if I was going to be so wasteful. Either way, I got my moneys worth out of it. Until the fire, of course.
Losing everything made all of my hobbies seem impossible. Do I buy another scrapbook machine? Do I go to the baking aisle at ACMoore and buy every cupcake stand and cake decorating kit they have? Do I replace my brand new stereo so I can listen to my music? None of it was possible. I didn't even have pictures anymore to scrapbook with anyway, I didn't have all my music from my laptop, it was all gone.
Make no mistake -- I miss those things -- but they aren't what mattered. Losing my grandma's engagement ring, my grandfather's army medals, the pearls my parents gave me on my 18th birthday, the scrapbooks themselves, and Wilbur, the stuffed pig that AJ gave me when I was a freshman in high school. That's the stuff I miss the most.
I may be at a stage right now where I hate my ex. There will be anger, hate, regret, sadness, the whole cycle I'm sure. But let it be known that I dated him when I was in eighth grade, and I am now twenty-four. Do you know that in one of those scrapbooks, I had pictures his sister drew for me in 2001? And the wrapper to an ice cream sandwich we shared and he then nicknamed me "Chip" for Chipwich because of it? And his guitar pick from a show in Spartanburg, SC where we reconnected six years later? These things meant the world to me, then they meant nothing and went in a shoe box in the attic, then I made peace with it and they made it into the scrapbook. Now I would imagine I would have thrown them in the trash with everything else I did after this third, messy break-up.
My point is, can you imagine losing all of your memories like that? I don't wish that on anyone. Although I can name a few people who have said I deserved it... unbelievable, but won't go there. This has been a year where I honestly think I've been at a stand-still. I could say I've been strong, and I've accomplished things, and I'm back on my feet... but it doesn't seem like it right now.
All I want for the new year is for everything to be worth it. I don't want to stop helping people and caring for them. Its what makes me who I am. I care about my friends and protect them and do everything I can for them, and don't think I ask for much in return. Please negativity... stay the heck away and let me finally see what it's like for everything to be worth it in the end!
Too many times to count, I've lost myself in the midst of trying to do for others. I spend so much time trying to make others happy, that I lose track entirely of anything that benefits me. I'm easy to please, by the way. Give me a friday night with my best boy friend, happy hour with one of my girlfriends, and three hours of DVR a week... I'm pretty content.
I can't blame anyone but myself for not taking care of 'me.' I chose to get caught up in things that I thought were right, saying it would come full circle and pay off, and only backfired in the end. But with all those things aside, though they're the toughest to get over, there's more.
I used to spend my free time scrapbooking. Laugh it up... it was a fun hobby, I'm crafty and I like my photo albums to be a little more personalized than a sleeve of pictures. Does anybody know how expensive and time consuming that "little hobby" is? I remember when I was making good money and I bought the Cricut machine for nearly $500. Cash. Who does that? I could have bought a nice watch or a purse if I was going to be so wasteful. Either way, I got my moneys worth out of it. Until the fire, of course.
Losing everything made all of my hobbies seem impossible. Do I buy another scrapbook machine? Do I go to the baking aisle at ACMoore and buy every cupcake stand and cake decorating kit they have? Do I replace my brand new stereo so I can listen to my music? None of it was possible. I didn't even have pictures anymore to scrapbook with anyway, I didn't have all my music from my laptop, it was all gone.
Make no mistake -- I miss those things -- but they aren't what mattered. Losing my grandma's engagement ring, my grandfather's army medals, the pearls my parents gave me on my 18th birthday, the scrapbooks themselves, and Wilbur, the stuffed pig that AJ gave me when I was a freshman in high school. That's the stuff I miss the most.
I may be at a stage right now where I hate my ex. There will be anger, hate, regret, sadness, the whole cycle I'm sure. But let it be known that I dated him when I was in eighth grade, and I am now twenty-four. Do you know that in one of those scrapbooks, I had pictures his sister drew for me in 2001? And the wrapper to an ice cream sandwich we shared and he then nicknamed me "Chip" for Chipwich because of it? And his guitar pick from a show in Spartanburg, SC where we reconnected six years later? These things meant the world to me, then they meant nothing and went in a shoe box in the attic, then I made peace with it and they made it into the scrapbook. Now I would imagine I would have thrown them in the trash with everything else I did after this third, messy break-up.
My point is, can you imagine losing all of your memories like that? I don't wish that on anyone. Although I can name a few people who have said I deserved it... unbelievable, but won't go there. This has been a year where I honestly think I've been at a stand-still. I could say I've been strong, and I've accomplished things, and I'm back on my feet... but it doesn't seem like it right now.
All I want for the new year is for everything to be worth it. I don't want to stop helping people and caring for them. Its what makes me who I am. I care about my friends and protect them and do everything I can for them, and don't think I ask for much in return. Please negativity... stay the heck away and let me finally see what it's like for everything to be worth it in the end!
along came polly
How about that movie? Do you ever have one of those days when you think everything is happening in spite of you? Like why is that lovey dovey chic flic on the day you break up with your boyfriend? Why do you see in the news that someone won a brand new car the day yours broke down? Chances are, you're not the only one having a bad day, and you're not the only one who was watching that channel and cursing the television the same time you were.
Here I am, day after Christmas, alone. Not if you count the Bassett hound I'm dogsitting and the cat who is currently MIA (don't worry, she will wake me up in the middle of the night by staring me right in the face, hovering, and scaring the bejesus out of me). That movie Along Came Polly is on, and I'm thinking, I need myself a Polly. Someone, please come into my life and give me some excitement. Make me stop to smell the roses. I have so much going on, trying to get back on my feet (my apartment burnt down on the first, more on that topic later). My roommates have their boyfriends or their family that come to visit. And don't get me wrong, I have an amazing group of friends who are there for me in a heartbeat. But I used to look forward to solo nights, having the house to myself, and now I'm scared to death to be alone. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder and thinking that since one bad thing happened to me, everything's gonna go wrong. I'm going to get robbed, someones going to break in my car at night, the new apartment is going to burn down, something bad is going to happen to someone I love. I think I need a distraction - maybe that will work. If I'm busy like I used to be (doing things I enjoy, not calling every utility and credit card company I know and explaining my billing address is no longer existent), then maybe I'll shake all these bad thoughts.
Maybe even just writing this blog will help me get over all of it. Lets see if I keep writing.
For now, I'm going to watch the rest of this movie.
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