Could you do me a solid?

I was actually tricked into being asked out today by someone saying exactly that!  Here's the best part - it was through an instant messaging program at work.

Would it be worse if it was through a text, a tweet, or a Facebook message?  I'm honestly not even sure.  My concern is, what happened to face to face interaction, or picking up the phone and having a conversation?  Because in this case, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THE COJONES TO ASK ME IN PERSON, ANYWAY.  [#sorrynotsorry.]

Am I an uber bitch for not being flattered, in ANY way, that you have hit on me VIA social media, instant messaging, or a text message?  Rhetorical question by the way - I don't actually care.

Let me paint a picture for you.  I would say my office has a few hundred people.  I don't really know, but we take up more than one floor in the building, and there's a ton of people who I've never met and will probably never cross paths with.  With that said - how do these people know my name?

I'm talking about a handful of people, not the whole office, so don't start calling me a cocky bitch.  Regardless, there's a few who know me and I haven't a clue what they look like.

How do I know this?  Because a little bird told me, that a little bird was asking them if that new little bird... I mean the new girl that they saw in the elevator was single.  That's not so bad.  Someone was inquiring.  This is basically where I chose my fate.  I even tried to respond with "Well I don't really mix business with pleasure" but the bird told me it wasn't anyone in my department.  RED FLAG: Then who the heck are you because I don't know anyone else.  But I said, "well in that case, no, I am not seeing anyone," and went back to my cubicle.

[please picture the movie Office Space from this point forward whenever I reference my job.  I feel like I live that, day in and day out.  Can you tell I love it there?  Sometimes people take my sarcasm seriously and they think I am stupid.  Don't be that idiot.]

Back at my desk, within minutes, it begins.  We have this instant messaging tool called SameTime -- its like AIM from junior high.  Anyway, someone I don't know actually messages me out of the blue, without referencing my conversation with the bird, and says they want to introduce themselves.  That's nice and all, but does this technically count via IM?  Also, you need to know first and last name to message someone.  You've weird-ed me out already.

"Hey, I think we've shared some funny elevator rides, I wanted to introduce myself."  You can decide if that's awkward or not.  I won't even comment.

My very delayed response.... "Cool!  Say hi next time you see me." Dude, we're at work, we're supposed to be working... I'm not saying I don't have personal conversations on here, but usually they're with people whose face I can recognize.

Fortunately this one's no quitter.  Those are his words, not mine by the way.  For weeks now, this guy has on multiple occasions said "Hey I saw you in the hall but you looked busy so I didn't stop ya."  Tell me this doesn't sound creepy!  I literally just got back to my desk and we crossed paths within the past 5 minutes, but you didn't say anything to me and waited for me to come off of 'away status' to let me know.   There's a great chance that this is the nicest guy in the world.  That's my point actually -- he could be, BUT I DON'T KNOW HIM, so this is weird.  Will I ever get past the whole 'I'm watching you from a distance' vibe that I'm getting now?  Most likely NO.

It annoys me when I am clearly ignoring someone and they're persistent.  I feel like you're forcing yourself into my personal bubble.  It's not my goal to be rude.  In this case,  I'm just hoping he gets the hint so I don't have to be blunt.  Do we remember the post about breaking up with people we aren't even dating?  This is where that's headed.

This guy can carry on a one sided convo ALL DAY.  I'm not sure if that's a skill or positive trait or anything, but he's really good at it.  Eventually, he even says "Ok I'm pretty swamped over here I'm gonna have to get going...but let's get lunch tomorrow!"

OK.  IF I HAVEN'T BEEN TALKING TO YOU DURING THIS "CONVO" I DON'T THINK WE HAVE LUNCH PLANS.  A "yes" or "sounds good" ... hell, a smiley face would at least grant that assumption.  Please, at 11:50 AM the next day, do not ask me where we're meeting.  I haven't put you in the psycho bucket yet, but some people are a little quicker to judge.

Today he did the whole "Hey can you do me a solid" thing.  What favor could I possibly do for you since we don't know each other in real life and I don't work in your department?  GO TO LUNCH WITH ME.  By the way, its his birthday today.  How come you don't have plans with your friends today?!  I'm not saying he went and ate alone.  I sure hope not, at least.  But when someone who you don't know suddenly has time for you when you 1) haven't expressed interest and 2) haven't allotted any time for them in return, it's a red flag -- I'm all about meeting new people but I had a life before yesterday when we met.  It may not be an exciting one in your opinion, but a content and happy social/personal life, either way.

Some advice -- Don't take my rejection as an invitation to now make me FEEL GUILTY for this social life. Guilt tripping me into a date isn't exactly starting on the right foot.  And lunch isn't a date, I know.... But when I bail on lunch and you say, "Okay, possibly something for dinner instead?", it certainly is.

I am so tired of people thinking I want to spend two hours with them over a meal when I don't even know them.  I'd rather meet a friend for dinner... sue me.  I am not sure if I am coming off as a shallow person here, but I don't care.  If I don't know you, your name, what you look like, or maybe we've met once, what makes you think I'm flattered by you creepily messaging, facebooking, tweeting me that we can get dinner?  I actually find myself wondering what makes these guys I don't even know think they have a shot with me?

[Jadakiss reference...NOW] I'M NOT COCKY, I'M CONFIDENT.  But what girl just goes out with anyone and everyone? NOT THIS ONE.

I could go on forever about this.  Tell you everything this guy says, tell you about the other ones.  Here's an actual IM at work from someone else.

 names have been disguised to protect me from the other creepy work people.
am i weird for not thinking "THE BOMB" is a compliment.  it is 2012.

But I won't go on any further.  Let's be honest, there will be another story down the road anyway... CAN'T WAIT.  Moral of the story - I value human interaction and I am proud to be a confident woman.  If I wanted to meet someone online, I'd join eHarmony.

I know I can dish it... but can I take it?

If you have read any of my posts, you've concluded that I haven't had much luck in love. Let it be known: I am not seeking out any reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love. After countless relationships, I think -- while actions do speak louder than words -- that I have matured enough to know that that kind of love doesn't happen over night. And when it does, you've still got to cross your fingers that the feelings are mutual.

I am actually quite content being single. I will be the first to admit that I have fallen off the face of the Earth while dating... more than once. And over the past year I am guilty of it. Charge me for cancelling on plans, for putting my boyfriend first, for not being myself... I don't blame you. All the more reason for me to appreciate my freedom now. (And a big thanks to the friends who allowed us to pick right back up where we left off, sans lecture and judgement. We all know I am not always as forgiving.)

Don't get me wrong, I use the term freedom very loosely. I was not forced to ditch my friends or forget about myself. I felt obligated to do such things to make someone else happy and didn't think about others happiness, including my own. But now that I am free, I am still struggling to find 'me time."

Did I mention in the break-up that I got custody of the dog? He's about all of the opposite sex that I have time for. Between two jobs, keeping up with my social life, and making sure this little nugget gets attention between all the running around, I don't have much time for myself or for dating.

This is where I get to the point. I recently moved to a new town. I live with my best friend who also has a second job. We hardly see each other. I work full-time weekdays  (got myself a big girl job) and also some long weekend shifts waitressing. I am still finding myself every couple of days having to run to the store to buy something that I have yet to replace from the fire --- if there were ever a way to suck the fun right out of shopping, go buy something that you've already purchased in a previous lifetime it seems, and watch your money wash away. NOT FUN. In my spare time I want to keep the puppy happy, but obviously need to cater to my own human needs as well. So I try to juggle between keeping up with old friends; whether it be happy hour or a shopping date or dinner back home, and making new friends.

Now I am not naive, but sometimes I should just assume the worst. I have met tons of new people, both girls and guys. And I am eager to get to know them better. However, I'll admit I've already canceled on some plans and chosen old friends over new. Sue me. I will also admit that I get along with guys much better than girls. There are many who I love dearly, and I stay in touch with them. As far as letting any more into my circle... only time will tell. As for guys, I take for granted the assumption that they're more easy going than girls, more fun, less drama... you get my drift. YET I HAVE BEEN PROVEN WRONG.

My girl friend and I met for drinks the other night and we wrote down on the back of a restaurant menu the list of guys who were, we'll say, pursuing me. Get your mind out of the gutter, I just mean they're persistent on trying to take me out to dinner, cook me dinner, see what a good guy they are, show me what they have to offer... the list of things I DID NOT WANT goes on. I've made it perfectly clear I just want to be friends. With each and every one.

This is why girls are called bitches. Because I feel like I have had to BREAK UP with half of them already when we have not even hung out, I have not implied I shared any interest, and I am damn sure I did not lead them on. But here I am, the bad guy, and clearly getting frustrated because I am typing in caps and yes... it means I'm yelling. Imagine me using my hands as I speak as well. May as well paint the whole picture.

First I'll agree to hang out with you and your friends. My intention is to meet new people and make new friends. This is, after all, the reason why I gave you my number. So why is it that after we exchange a few text messages, where I am POSITIVE the most personal information I have shared is that I am obsessed with my dog, the plans have gone from wing night with your friends to dinner at an expensive restaurant? Or better yet, you've invited yourself to my kitchen to cook me dinner.

NO, THANK YOU. Now I have to start making it obvious that I am not interested... because apparently "what happened to everyone hanging out together" isn't clear enough to you. Then I have to start making excuses. Valid ones, but I feel badly because I truly did want to hang out with you and your friends. But you've creeped me out and that ship has sailed. But oh, no, you're not a quitter. More like the little engine that could.

Clearly my only other option is to completely ignore you. I can't delete your number because I need to know when to dodge your calls. To make it more entertaining, I've probably made your name in my phone a funny emoticon... to alert me that you're an unwanted caller. #sorrynotsorry

AND THEN SHE GETS A TASTE OF HER OWN MEDICINE.
Starts off the same as every other one. They're more interested than I am. I know for a fact I did not give off any signals or flirt. I was clearly myself and polite. It's actually a turn off when you take my kindness as a compliment... I don't know you, I can't possibly "like" you so soon. This post has gotten lengthy so I'll spare myself the embarrassment of the situation and be brief.

[summarizing his text messages]
Wednesday - "long time no talk! how ya been? see you this weekend maybe!"
Friday - "hey, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!"
Saturday - "where are you, what are you doing, do you want to snuggle?" (you're cute so I'll let that last one slide... it's usually a red flag. you don't even know if I like to snuggle)
Sunday - texts are exchanged all day
Monday - "Wanna date?" (verbatim.)
Tuesday - more texts exchanged, "hey gorgeous" stands out
Wednesday - repeat Tuesday
Thursday - "morning sunshine"
Friday - and its all downhill
Saturday - no words
Sunday - date is clearly not happening.

Let me share an excerpt from the book, "He's Just Not Into You."

Dear Sad Sandi,
Your first mistake was approaching the guy. Everybody knows that women aren't supposed to approach men. We enjoy the chase! Never approach any guy that you are in to, if he likes you he'll approach you. As far as this guy being into you, he's about as into you as... ok, no example needed, he's just not! He's crazy for not valuing a relationship with a beautiful, smart, talented gal like you, so stop waiting around on this bum, and go out and find that guy who will appreciate you.
Greg



Well obviously I made my approach. I couldn't help it. (And I read this post-approach.) How the hell do you know you don't want to talk to me when you don't even know me yet? It's a little discouraging. Of course, that's not what I said.

I actually said this: "SO I'm not entirely sure what happened to hanging out today, and it's against my better judgement even saying anything to you, but it's completely fine that you changed your mind about a date! I hope we can still be friendly towards each other... I know you're busy and so am I but I feel kinda awkward going from talking a lot to not at all and just wanted to clear the air I guess? You're a nice guy and I just don't want the wrong impression besides the one I am making right now doing the girl thing and over thinking stuff"

I did okay, right?

HERE IS THE KICKER.
Guy: "I'm so sorry! I really do feel bad. I've just been going through a lot. I should have called and let you know. And of course I still want to be friendly with you. You're an awesome girl. I feel like a dick."

The important thing is to not let my mind wander and ask myself what he is going through. It's irrelevant. We didn't even know each other well enough to like each other -- I just finally was giving someone a shot and this is the reaction I get. A taste of my own medicine. The blow off. OUCH.

Maybe he heard something about me -- he is actually mutual friends with the ex boyfriend referenced in my last post. I'd run, too... I mean I left the guy in Myrtle Beach. Maybe he is still hung up on his girlfriend. Which means he is human and not screwing everything he sees because he still actually likes her. Can't be mad about that. Maybe he just determined from a few text messages exchanged that I wasn't worth his time.

OR MAYBE IT ISN'T THAT COMPLICATED. I know damn well that he hasn't put this much thought into this. And I will not put another thought into it. In reality, I exchanged a few texts with a guy I was attracted to and knew little about, for a few days. It amounted to nothing. My life has not changed, there is no whole in my heart, there is no void to fill with a tub of ice cream. My lesson learned is honestly to chalk it up as a loss -- not sure if it is his or mine yet -- but it's not worth dwelling over. There are plenty fish in the sea.


I've got to laugh it off and say... one out of ten on the list on back of that restaurant menu isn't too bad.

That Time I Sent Him Packing III

Let's set the stage for this story.  Spring break of 2009 I went to revisit my old college campus.  I transferred from a school at the beach to a school back home my junior year - 660 miles apart from each other.   Mistake Number One... of many. 

This being my second year at the new school, combined with the fact that it was in my hometown, I had found my "comfort zone" and already gotten to know the partying, bar, and dating scene... quite well, to be accurate.  I was dating a guy in a fraternity.  Let me clarify - this fraternity, as fun as it was and cool as the guys were, was nothing like the Greek organizations at my old school, where I was a member of a sorority, as well.  So in my opinion, these guys weren't exactly comparable to the men of reputable, southern schools with actual houses and parties that were thrown in venues, not basements. 

That being said, fast forward to the break-up.  Who even knows why we broke up specifically - he had lied to me about something and I wasn't having it.  But, typical girl, I missed him and wanted to give it another shot.  So the brilliant idea to go stay with my best friend and her boyfriend for spring break comes to mind.  We'll see if "we still have a shot" with no one interfering.  Rekindle what we had.  (I'm rolling my eyes as I type.)  And we travel twelve hours to Myrtle Beach straight through the night, snacks packed by his mother (one of those sweet ladies who thought we were meant to be, you know the type that thinks her son is perfect) and the iPod loaded with some music.

On the drive down, we're talking about everything under the sun.  Gotta make the time pass.  The subject of the fraternity comes up... it's in their nature to talk about themselves and the fact that they're "the shit" every few minutes. Possibly in the by-laws,  I don't know.  So it turns out there's been some tension in the house -- where my boyfriend doesn't live, by the way.  He basically sleeps on couches when we aren't together and it already drives me nuts that he is a "moocher."  (What am I doing with him if I can't stand him?  Beats me.)  The newest pledge class is apparently a group of good eggs.  At a chapter meeting, they make an announcement about the well-known drug use in the house.  From now on, at parties, there will be no smoking marijuana in the basement or first and second floors.  Something like that.  And harder drugs can't be done at all, or only on the third floor.  I don't remember much of the details.  I do remember, however, how livid he was.  Who do these kids think they are saying we can't do what we want in our own house, they have been here for five minutes, blah blah blah.

Well, my dear, innocent boyfriend... why do you care so much? And this dumbass drops the ball that he enjoys some recreational coke every now and then... "what's the big deal, babe?"

I don't date kids who do drugs.  Do whatever you please, friends of mine, I'm not judging.  But my boyfriends don't do drugs.  What blows my mind is that this guy has been lying to me for months about his habits, fully knowing that I don't want to be a part of it, and denying every accusation which turned out to be true.  One time he texted everyone in his phone for pills; for his "friend."  My 21st birthday, half-drunk, I come downstairs in the middle of the night to 10 dudes with their shirts off hovered around a counter doing coke.  I'm so naive I don't even know what coke is, I just think they're being weird.  So this is the icing on the cake.  Why is he even with me if he knows I don't like what he is about?  He should be with a girl who doesn't mind that stuff... I'd be fine with that.  But now he's been lying to me for months. 

This is going to be an awesome vacation!

We arrive and I meet my best friend's boyfriend.  The kid is rubbing her feet while we watch a movie, and my boyfriend and I are sitting on opposite sides of the couch.  That and many other disgusting, lovey-dovey exchanges between the two of them contribute to my conclusion that this relationship is a lost cause.  We spend one night out at a bar where I meet up with some old friends, and my amazing boyfriend I couldn't wait for them to meet is in the corner doing shots by himself.  This can't be real life. 

A few nights into the trip, we have an opportunity for some space apart.  I JUMP ON IT.  He's got a friend who is also vacationing down there, they have some online assignment due before the end of the trip, they're going to get together to work on it and then have a guys night... I don't care what they do, this means I can go see my sorority sisters and spend the night with some old friends without him glued to my hip or feeding his alcoholism in the corner, whichever is worse. 

Who knows how it all went down, who really cares for that matter?  I don't think I even talked to him that night we were apart.  We both clearly didn't miss each other.  But in the morning my mind was made up.  I packed his bag and put it outside his friends' condo where he had stayed.  There was maybe a text message or two exchanged, and that was it.  I called him later that week to make sure he had made it home and offered a ride pack to Pennsylvania, but he said he flew back a few days earlier. 

It may have been the easiest, least drawn out break-up of my life.  And most certainly the funniest.

Did he deserve it? Take the poll!

50 All-Time Favorite New Uses for Old Things

Just found this and I want to try everything!  Kind of proud of myself for already knowing the shower hook - purse hanger trick!

50 All-Time Favorite New Uses for Old Things