my choice is what I choose to do, and if I'm causing no harm it shouldn't bother you.

...

your choice is who you choose to be, 

and if you're causing no harm 

then you're alright with me.



Who are you to judge the life I live?  I know I'm not perfect, and I don't live to be.
But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean."



Could this man have said it any better?

Celebrating my twenty fifth birthday may have some merit for re-evaluating my current situation. Surprisingly, I have not spent a great deal of time doing so... the quarter-life crisis has been averted. In fact, I think that now, more than ever, I am beyond content with my life... in every aspect.

Part of growing up is knowing what truly matters, isn't it? Knowing what's of value and when you need to "weed out the negativity." [has any one else read the cover story on Lucy Hale in Cosmopolitan's September issue? quotable.]  Recently, I feel like that's been my solution to everything. Not only for myself, but those who seek my advice, as well. I am no 'Dear Abby' [did I just age myself?], but I am the friend that you come to for an honest opinion.  The only sugar coating I do is on my cupcakes. 

Many people who are near and dear to my heart have been facing the same dilemma; being taken for granted. Admittedly, I often jump the gun in weeding out the negativity and give up on things that could probably be mended... But I've said it before and will say it again, it WORKS for me. 

I don't lose sleep over it. I dont drop friends like flies, but I do know when it's time to stop caring about people who do not care about me.  It's only fair, isn't it?

The instances where this disappoints me is with those friends who I truly believe meant no harm.  Some people are malicious and inconsiderate, its undeniable.  But I genuinely think that a good portion of twenty-somethings just don't know any better.  They've yet to learn how to carry their own weight in a friendship.

Never the less, that excuse got old when I was playing with Barbies, so imagine how thin my patience has worn at 25. I'm not suggesting that if you disagree with your friend, you should cut ties and throw a friendship away. But as I grow older, I have learned the saying "wiser with age" doesn't apply to all. Some people will never change.   

You shouldn't change for anyone but yourself - your own happiness is what matters as long as its not destroying someone else's, isn't it?  But on the other hand, can't we all agree that some people can afford to be a little more thoughtful and a little less selfish?  There are countless people I've met in life, some who I have known quite well, who are "not my cup of tea." The fact that I don't want a personal relationship with them doesn't mean that they don't have an incredible group of friends and loved ones.  Hell, there's a huge possibility that they don't like me, either.

What I have trouble dealing with is the people who are quick to say things with destructive intentions. It takes a lot to get to me; the fact that someone is TRYING to hurt me trumps anything they could possibly say. That's the honest truth. 

I try to be cautious of who I share my personal business with (which is understandably hard for you to believe as you read this).  I don't keep this indestructible guard up or take forever to trust people, but I do know that if I don't click with someone, I'm won't waste their time or my own to pretend we are best friends.  Take notes girls -- it's life changing to be REAL.

When I do share my personal thoughts and feelings with someone, it goes without saying that I trust them to keep it to themselves and pass no judgment.  I recently "broke up" with one of my girlfriends.  [It's what it seemed like; the dramatic part, not the heartbreak.]

There had been what should have been a simple misunderstanding about a month ago.  But I hadn't heard from her nor had I made any effort to speak to her since.  Long story short, someone took something I said out of context -- intentionally -- and tried to meddle.  I expected nothing less from this person when we spoke.  Like clockwork, I knew she'd go and start trouble. 

What disappointed me was that my "friend" chose to absorb the lies, believe her, and not confront me about it, to top it off.  To be clear, when I say I am disappointed, I do not mean I am saddened.  I am frustrated with myself for expecting more of this person.   I had given them more credit than there was due.  I should have trusted my instincts and known better... but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.  Clearly that's something my "friend" does not practice.

Time goes by and she texted me happy birthday. I said thank you and left it at that.  It was strange to hear from her, but I didn't think twice about it because it was my birthday.  I'm too busy loving people who love me to waste time hating people who hate me.   Anyway, we are supposed to be the kind of friends who celebrate birthdays together, not send half-ass texts.  Why bother when it's insincere?  

So the next day she texts me again to see how my birthday went.  I wasted no time after telling her it was great.  I asked her why we hadn't spoken, even though I already knew the answer.

I'll spare you the conversation verbatim.  By the end, it had escalated into one of those who-can-get-the-last-word, annoying fights that make you want to smack some sense into the person.  It became a personal attack threatening "all the shit she could say about me."   And my favorite part, that I am a dumb cocky bitch.  My response -- DAMN FUCKING RIGHT.

SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU HATE ME BUT WANTED TO SEE HOW MY BIRTHDAY WAS.  OK.  It's a good thing that I already checked out of this friendship two months ago or my feelings may have been hurt.

Did she hate me all this time, and pretend to be my friend?  Or is she so dense that she does not understand that I've been a good friend to her, and this meddler is just instigating something between us?  The back story here is that I saw she and this girl I grew up with (a shady character, but someone I've stayed affable to) had become Facebook friends.  Typical of me, I had a sarcastic comment about two girls who hated each other to suddenly become FB friends at 25, when they aren't in fact friends,  don't hang out, don't cross paths AND straight from the horses mouth: "I mean, I hated her when me and XXXX were dating, but that's typical gf behavior... but I have no problems with her now... past is the past."  

Good for you, ten years later you are over it.  But to be fair, was there a need for this drawn-out hatred to begin with?  NO.  People who use the phrase "they're being the bigger person," are ironically the most small-minded.  Being destructive to someones reputation or every day life is not something that gets brushed under the rug and chalked up as "growing up."    The bigger person wouldn't have held a grudge for a stranger for ten years, then wake up one day and say "let's be facebook friends so we can creep on each other."  

Most importantly:  I DO NOT CARE who is friends with who.  If all of my friends got along, I would have no complaints.  I was actually accused of being MAD that they had "become friends via facebook" [not to be confused with friends in real life.]  ITS LIKE I WAS TALKING TO A BRICK WALL.  

If you're confused and think that this doesn't add up, imagine how mind-boggled I was while the conversation was actually happening.  I wish them well, but I've washed my hands of it.  They're not losing any sleep over me not being in their lives anymore, but neither am I.  It's true what they say about letting all that extra baggage go - trust me, I'm traveling lighter already.

.

are you memorable?

It brings me great pleasure to put a smile on a stranger's face. I can recall moments I have shared with complete strangers, dating back ages ago, and still find myself grinning, laughing, and reminiscing.

I can not enter an AC Moore, Forever 21 or a DSW without striking up conversation with at least one person. I've exchanged craft ideas with middle aged women, had a gay guy at Forever help me pick out my outfit for the weekend, and a girl at DSW tell me that I HAD to get those heels, just in case I needed them for NYE this year. It's AUGUST, I don't need them, but I needed her to give me the justification! And don't get me started on the amount of times I should have been paid by a store for assisting a customer to find the shoe department, a top in their size, or most recently, the de-wormer at PetCo.

Last Friday, I managed to break my glasses. I have NO idea how I pulled that one off, but this isn't going to be about my drunken night out. This week, I stopped in at the optical department at Target where a nice man told me that he would only charge me a measly million dollars to repair them for me. Considering his joking tone, I had a feeling he wouldn't make me pay a dime, and he hadn't even asked if I got my glasses there. [I hadn't.]

Friday night of this week, I was so sick of wearing my contacts and my old glasses that Dexter used as a chew toy that I made it back in the store. The same guy was there and in less than 2 minutes my glasses were repaired, free of charge. He was "just happy to help." Maybe the store doesn't have a button on their register for glasses repair, or a cost for one tiny screw. I know that the guy didn't go out of his way to fix these for me, and he was just doing his job, but he still made my day. I thought I would have to buy a whole new pair of glasses before I could begin to get these ones fixed.

I expressed my gratitude and proceeded to hit up the popcorn stand at Target. [If you go to Target and you don't get popcorn, a hot dog or Pizza Hut personal pie while you're there, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.] 

On my way out, I bought a $10 "thank you" gift card and went back over to the vision center. I suppose the gentleman was in the back office, I was so happy, because I quickly tossed it on his side of the counter and walked away. I had noticed his name on his badge earlier, and signed it with my name... so he would definitely know it was for him. He may not even put two and two together that I'm Ashley, the girl whose glasses he had repaired moments ago. I just hope that with the gift card, he treated himself to some popcorn, too. Maybe he even bought some for his co-workers, who knows. Scott may not have been phased by my thank you gesture, but his kindness made my day.

I imagine that on Friday there were a few people who annoyed me, too. There's always the person holding up the line, slowing down traffic, or doing something that seems so irritating at the moment but is insignificant in retrospect. The people I want to remember two days later, and continue to meet for the rest of my life, are the ones like Scott. Shouldn't we all?

oh my god, you KNOW her?

Today, just when I thought the world couldn’t get any smaller, it did.

My co-workers and I were talking about how I broke up with my ex [what a disaster] and they asked where’s that GEM living now?

“Oh, who is he living OFF of? A nice girl named ------. She went to Cornell… she seems fantastic.”

yes, he is the angry emoji.  

And then my friend’s jaw dropped.

Turns out they went to high school together.  Since she’s a good friend to me, she assured me I’m prettier and better and all of the above… girl code, ya know. That’s not my point. None of that actually MATTERS.

What struck me to write today is the fact that a few weeks ago, my ex started texting me. I’ll share with you the short version.

I stand my ground that I didn’t cave in, or think we were going to get back together [nor do I WANT TO]. I was short with him. Passive. Uninterested. He did convince me to agree to meet up with him later that week. I agreed, because we had said we would meet to get “closure” a few times in the past and both of us bailed on each other, for various reasons. Mine being that I didn’t think anything he could say could possibly “fix” anything. We had both moved on, we were both seemingly happy, and there’s no reason to dig up the past. However, I did not want these to become a reoccurring exchange. I figured that if I agreed to meet, we could tie up loose ends, once and for all.

I kept my distance… this all happened into the late hours of Saturday night. It wasn’t until Tuesday when we were supposed to meet that I got out of work, got home, and decided to call him. I wasn’t going to text back and forth or wait to see if he ignored me and changed his mind. Actually dialing his number was the most aggressive approach I could really take to just get it over with.

THAT LITTLE PRICK BLOCKED MY NUMBER.

Mind you, we’ve been split up since December. That’s NINE MONTHS of being apart; hardly speaking and choosing to look the other way when we saw each other in public. During the course of those nine months, way back in January or so, I was infuriated with the amount of money that he owed me and continued to spend on his new girlfriend, new clothes, trips to places we had been together (that I paid for when we went). Clearly I was sour about it, but the bottom line was I wanted my money. To this day I am working two jobs to pay off someone else’s debt. It’s my fault for trusting him and choosing to help him, but regardless, it bit me in the ass and I’m allowed to be annoyed about it every once in awhile.

Well, in my attempts to chase him for money VIA text and voicemail, he blocked my number. Which was for the best. However, one day he started texting me. This means he made an effort to block my number, then unblock it and contact me on a pretty consistent basis, and then proceed to tell me he misses me and needs to see me, and then BLOCK MY NUMBER again. If anyone should be blocking anything, SHOULDN’T IT BE ME?  

There is no one on the planet who gets under my skin more than this kid.  But I have been pretty successful with not letting him get to me since I broke up with him.  I had a pathetic, rough month after the initial break up.  I felt hopeless... I am the one who ended it, but if you didn't know this already, girls want you to put up a fight for them.  And he did.  But then he stopped and I was a basketcase.  I invested a lot in this relationship.  In fact, the break up involved me taking all of his stuff out of the moving truck we had packed to move into our new apartment THE NEXT DAY.  It was a game time decision.  I had my reasons and knew that last minute was certainly better than never.

Back to the phone number thing.  Does it make any sense to you yet?  Because the only reason I can come up with is that he got in over his head.  I'd like to say he knew that he'd be in deep with his girlfriend if she saw what he had been saying, or that she made him cut all ways of contact with me.  That would require the girl having balls, a back bone, some dignity or self-respect... to think she is worthy of a guy who is committed to her, but able to forgive this mistake.  She may be crazy, but at least she'd be confident.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's safe to say that she lacks all those qualities.

Here's where I made another game time decision.  Maybe not the best one, but not one that I regret.  I wasted about 15 minutes of my night (okay, that's the part that I regret) and took screen shots of everything he said to me.  THE WHOLE CONVO.  Obsessive, maybe... but this needed to be in black and white, with no room for interpretation.  I sent them all to her on Facebook.  [Oh, the drama on Facebook, I know, I know.]  All that I included in the message was "here ya go" with the screen shots.

no future with her.  SHE'S LUCKY.

That was it.  I needed to walk away.  Whatever came of her seeing the messages wouldn't affect me.  I didn't care to know.  Their relationship ending or a fight occurring or ANYTHING would have no direct affect on me, so I didn't care what came of it.  His hardships don't bring me happiness.  I don't think he deserves much, but where would I be if he had any impact on me, nine months later?  What kind of person would I be if I thrived on that?  No one I want to be.

Except then I got to thinking.  What do you expect?  If she read it, I didn't really want her to reply.  I would respect her more if she just took it for what it was worth. We don't even know each other, we didn't need to talk or argue.  But what if she didn't even see it?  For all the trouble he has put me through, I needed to do this.  Call it immature, call it crazy, I don't care.  It was nothing compared to the constant battles I faced while dating him. 

So of course I resent it.  "I was concerned you didn't see this :)."  I know, what a BITCH.  Who cares.

the happy couple

DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID?  Made her profile picture one of them.  She must be DAMN PROUD to be dating a guy who said he has no future with her and thinks about me everyday.  

"I wish I wasn't single, I'm SO lonely and pathetic that I wish I had a boyfriend who told other girls he still loved them and knows he made the wrong choices!  I HAVE TO GET MYSELF ONE OF THOSE SO I CAN CHANGE MY PROFILE PICTURE ASAP."

Yep.  BITCHES ARE CRAZY.  He's your problem now, sweetcheeks.

kill em' with kindness.

This week, I decided that I am going to put forth a conscious effort to make zero attempts to offer a simple greeting or smile while facing those who NEVER return the gesture.  So far, I have failed miserably.  I am 100% certain that it requires more effort to be impolite to someone than to just shoot them a smile.  Why is it that so many people I encounter act like it would actually KILL them to be kind? 

Maybe you are thinking “they just don’t like you.”  That may very well be the case.  But considering that they’ve never said hello to me, how have they already passed judgment?  We are all guilty of it; we judge a book by its cover, and form opinions on both people and things without knowing anything first hand.  But it doesn’t make it RIGHT. 

First impressions prove me wrong time and time again.  The nicest person can be the most deceiving, but the most intimidating person can very well be the most genuine.  It is not our right to define a person.  The girl who may be the cruelest to some may be the most loving person to another.

I don’t think anyone should fight anyone else’s battles, and I don’t base my opinion on people or things off of what others say – I’m my own person and have my own feelings, I will make up my own mind.

One time in high school, I passed a classmate who was a friend-turned-enemy in the hall.  Out of habit, since we were friends probably days before, I shot her a HUGE smile and waved at her.  The look on her face was PRICELESS.  It infuriated her more than any kind word ever could have.  And what could she say about that?  “That bitch SMILED at me, who does she think she is?” 

Actually, I guarantee that she said that… but that’s for another time.