...
your choice is who you choose to be,
and if you're causing no harm
then you're alright with me.
 |
| Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect, and I don't live to be. But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean." |
Could this man have said it any better?
Celebrating my twenty fifth birthday may have some merit for re-evaluating my current situation. Surprisingly, I have not spent a great deal of time doing so... the quarter-life crisis has been averted. In fact, I think that now, more than ever, I am beyond content with my life... in every aspect.
Part of growing up is knowing what truly matters, isn't it? Knowing what's of value and when you need to "weed out the negativity." [has any one else read the cover story on Lucy Hale in Cosmopolitan's September issue? quotable.] Recently, I feel like that's been my solution to everything. Not only for myself, but those who seek my advice, as well. I am no 'Dear Abby' [did I just age myself?], but I am the friend that you come to for an honest opinion. The only sugar coating I do is on my cupcakes.
Many people who are near and dear to my heart have been facing the same dilemma; being taken for granted. Admittedly, I often jump the gun in weeding out the negativity and give up on things that could probably be mended... But I've said it before and will say it again, it WORKS for me.
I don't lose sleep over it. I dont drop friends like flies, but I do know when it's time to stop caring about people who do not care about me. It's only fair, isn't it?
The instances where this disappoints me is with those friends who I truly believe meant no harm. Some people are malicious and inconsiderate, its undeniable. But I genuinely think that a good portion of twenty-somethings just don't know any better. They've yet to learn how to carry their own weight in a friendship.
Never the less, that excuse got old when I was playing with Barbies, so imagine how thin my patience has worn at 25. I'm not suggesting that if you disagree with your friend, you should cut ties and throw a friendship away. But as I grow older, I have learned the saying "wiser with age" doesn't apply to all. Some people will never change.
You shouldn't change for anyone but yourself - your own happiness is what matters as long as its not destroying someone else's, isn't it? But on the other hand, can't we all agree that some people can afford to be a little more thoughtful and a little less selfish? There are countless people I've met in life, some who I have known quite well, who are "not my cup of tea." The fact that I don't want a personal relationship with them doesn't mean that they don't have an incredible group of friends and loved ones. Hell, there's a huge possibility that they don't like me, either.
What I have trouble dealing with is the people who are quick to say things with destructive intentions. It takes a lot to get to me; the fact that someone is TRYING to hurt me trumps anything they could possibly say. That's the honest truth.
I try to be cautious of who I share my personal business with (which is understandably hard for you to believe as you read this). I don't keep this indestructible guard up or take forever to trust people, but I do know that if I don't click with someone, I'm won't waste their time or my own to pretend we are best friends. Take notes girls -- it's life changing to be REAL.
When I do share my personal thoughts and feelings with someone, it goes without saying that I trust them to keep it to themselves and pass no judgment. I recently "broke up" with one of my girlfriends. [It's what it seemed like; the dramatic part, not the heartbreak.]
There had been what should have been a simple misunderstanding about a month ago. But I hadn't heard from her nor had I made any effort to speak to her since. Long story short, someone took something I said out of context -- intentionally -- and tried to meddle. I expected nothing less from this person when we spoke. Like clockwork, I knew she'd go and start trouble.
What disappointed me was that my "friend" chose to absorb the lies, believe her, and not confront me about it, to top it off. To be clear, when I say I am disappointed, I do not mean I am saddened. I am frustrated with myself for expecting more of this person. I had given them more credit than there was due. I should have trusted my instincts and known better... but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Clearly that's something my "friend" does not practice.
Time goes by and she texted me happy birthday. I said thank you and left it at that. It was strange to hear from her, but I didn't think twice about it because it was my birthday. I'm too busy loving people who love me to waste time hating people who hate me. Anyway, we are supposed to be the kind of friends who celebrate birthdays together, not send half-ass texts. Why bother when it's insincere?
So the next day she texts me again to see how my birthday went. I wasted no time after telling her it was great. I asked her why we hadn't spoken, even though I already knew the answer.
I'll spare you the conversation verbatim. By the end, it had escalated into one of those who-can-get-the-last-word, annoying fights that make you want to smack some sense into the person. It became a personal attack threatening "all the shit she could say about me." And my favorite part, that I am a dumb cocky bitch. My response -- DAMN FUCKING RIGHT.
SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU HATE ME BUT WANTED TO SEE HOW MY BIRTHDAY WAS. OK. It's a good thing that I already checked out of this friendship two months ago or my feelings may have been hurt.
Did she hate me all this time, and pretend to be my friend? Or is she so dense that she does not understand that I've been a good friend to her, and this meddler is just instigating something between us? The back story here is that I saw she and this girl I grew up with (a shady character, but someone I've stayed affable to) had become Facebook friends. Typical of me, I had a sarcastic comment about two girls who hated each other to suddenly become FB friends at 25, when they aren't in fact friends, don't hang out, don't cross paths AND straight from the horses mouth: "I mean, I hated her when me and XXXX were dating, but that's typical gf behavior... but I have no problems with her now... past is the past."
Good for you, ten years later you are over it. But to be fair, was there a need for this drawn-out hatred to begin with? NO. People who use the phrase "they're being the bigger person," are ironically the most small-minded. Being destructive to someones reputation or every day life is not something that gets brushed under the rug and chalked up as "growing up." The bigger person wouldn't have held a grudge for a stranger for ten years, then wake up one day and say "let's be facebook friends so we can creep on each other."
Most importantly: I DO NOT CARE who is friends with who. If all of my friends got along, I would have no complaints. I was actually accused of being MAD that they had "become friends via facebook" [not to be confused with friends in real life.] ITS LIKE I WAS TALKING TO A BRICK WALL.
If you're confused and think that this doesn't add up, imagine how mind-boggled I was while the conversation was actually happening. I wish them well, but I've washed my hands of it. They're not losing any sleep over me not being in their lives anymore, but neither am I. It's true what they say about letting all that extra baggage go - trust me, I'm traveling lighter already.
.
Part of growing up is knowing what truly matters, isn't it? Knowing what's of value and when you need to "weed out the negativity." [has any one else read the cover story on Lucy Hale in Cosmopolitan's September issue? quotable.] Recently, I feel like that's been my solution to everything. Not only for myself, but those who seek my advice, as well. I am no 'Dear Abby' [did I just age myself?], but I am the friend that you come to for an honest opinion. The only sugar coating I do is on my cupcakes.
Many people who are near and dear to my heart have been facing the same dilemma; being taken for granted. Admittedly, I often jump the gun in weeding out the negativity and give up on things that could probably be mended... But I've said it before and will say it again, it WORKS for me.
I don't lose sleep over it. I dont drop friends like flies, but I do know when it's time to stop caring about people who do not care about me. It's only fair, isn't it?
The instances where this disappoints me is with those friends who I truly believe meant no harm. Some people are malicious and inconsiderate, its undeniable. But I genuinely think that a good portion of twenty-somethings just don't know any better. They've yet to learn how to carry their own weight in a friendship.
Never the less, that excuse got old when I was playing with Barbies, so imagine how thin my patience has worn at 25. I'm not suggesting that if you disagree with your friend, you should cut ties and throw a friendship away. But as I grow older, I have learned the saying "wiser with age" doesn't apply to all. Some people will never change.
You shouldn't change for anyone but yourself - your own happiness is what matters as long as its not destroying someone else's, isn't it? But on the other hand, can't we all agree that some people can afford to be a little more thoughtful and a little less selfish? There are countless people I've met in life, some who I have known quite well, who are "not my cup of tea." The fact that I don't want a personal relationship with them doesn't mean that they don't have an incredible group of friends and loved ones. Hell, there's a huge possibility that they don't like me, either.
What I have trouble dealing with is the people who are quick to say things with destructive intentions. It takes a lot to get to me; the fact that someone is TRYING to hurt me trumps anything they could possibly say. That's the honest truth.
I try to be cautious of who I share my personal business with (which is understandably hard for you to believe as you read this). I don't keep this indestructible guard up or take forever to trust people, but I do know that if I don't click with someone, I'm won't waste their time or my own to pretend we are best friends. Take notes girls -- it's life changing to be REAL.
When I do share my personal thoughts and feelings with someone, it goes without saying that I trust them to keep it to themselves and pass no judgment. I recently "broke up" with one of my girlfriends. [It's what it seemed like; the dramatic part, not the heartbreak.]
There had been what should have been a simple misunderstanding about a month ago. But I hadn't heard from her nor had I made any effort to speak to her since. Long story short, someone took something I said out of context -- intentionally -- and tried to meddle. I expected nothing less from this person when we spoke. Like clockwork, I knew she'd go and start trouble.
What disappointed me was that my "friend" chose to absorb the lies, believe her, and not confront me about it, to top it off. To be clear, when I say I am disappointed, I do not mean I am saddened. I am frustrated with myself for expecting more of this person. I had given them more credit than there was due. I should have trusted my instincts and known better... but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Clearly that's something my "friend" does not practice.
Time goes by and she texted me happy birthday. I said thank you and left it at that. It was strange to hear from her, but I didn't think twice about it because it was my birthday. I'm too busy loving people who love me to waste time hating people who hate me. Anyway, we are supposed to be the kind of friends who celebrate birthdays together, not send half-ass texts. Why bother when it's insincere?
So the next day she texts me again to see how my birthday went. I wasted no time after telling her it was great. I asked her why we hadn't spoken, even though I already knew the answer.
I'll spare you the conversation verbatim. By the end, it had escalated into one of those who-can-get-the-last-word, annoying fights that make you want to smack some sense into the person. It became a personal attack threatening "all the shit she could say about me." And my favorite part, that I am a dumb cocky bitch. My response -- DAMN FUCKING RIGHT.
SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU HATE ME BUT WANTED TO SEE HOW MY BIRTHDAY WAS. OK. It's a good thing that I already checked out of this friendship two months ago or my feelings may have been hurt.
Did she hate me all this time, and pretend to be my friend? Or is she so dense that she does not understand that I've been a good friend to her, and this meddler is just instigating something between us? The back story here is that I saw she and this girl I grew up with (a shady character, but someone I've stayed affable to) had become Facebook friends. Typical of me, I had a sarcastic comment about two girls who hated each other to suddenly become FB friends at 25, when they aren't in fact friends, don't hang out, don't cross paths AND straight from the horses mouth: "I mean, I hated her when me and XXXX were dating, but that's typical gf behavior... but I have no problems with her now... past is the past."
Good for you, ten years later you are over it. But to be fair, was there a need for this drawn-out hatred to begin with? NO. People who use the phrase "they're being the bigger person," are ironically the most small-minded. Being destructive to someones reputation or every day life is not something that gets brushed under the rug and chalked up as "growing up." The bigger person wouldn't have held a grudge for a stranger for ten years, then wake up one day and say "let's be facebook friends so we can creep on each other."
Most importantly: I DO NOT CARE who is friends with who. If all of my friends got along, I would have no complaints. I was actually accused of being MAD that they had "become friends via facebook" [not to be confused with friends in real life.] ITS LIKE I WAS TALKING TO A BRICK WALL.
If you're confused and think that this doesn't add up, imagine how mind-boggled I was while the conversation was actually happening. I wish them well, but I've washed my hands of it. They're not losing any sleep over me not being in their lives anymore, but neither am I. It's true what they say about letting all that extra baggage go - trust me, I'm traveling lighter already.
.