If you have read any of my posts, you've concluded that I haven't had much luck in love. Let it be known: I am not seeking out any reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love. After countless relationships, I think -- while actions do speak louder than words -- that I have matured enough to know that that kind of love doesn't happen over night. And when it does, you've still got to cross your fingers that the feelings are mutual.
I am actually quite content being single. I will be the first to admit that I have fallen off the face of the Earth while dating... more than once. And over the past year I am guilty of it. Charge me for cancelling on plans, for putting my boyfriend first, for not being myself... I don't blame you. All the more reason for me to appreciate my freedom now. (And a big thanks to the friends who allowed us to pick right back up where we left off, sans lecture and judgement. We all know I am not always as forgiving.)
Don't get me wrong, I use the term freedom very loosely. I was not forced to ditch my friends or forget about myself. I felt obligated to do such things to make someone else happy and didn't think about others happiness, including my own. But now that I am free, I am still struggling to find 'me time."
Did I mention in the break-up that I got custody of the dog? He's about all of the opposite sex that I have time for. Between two jobs, keeping up with my social life, and making sure this little nugget gets attention between all the running around, I don't have much time for myself or for dating.
This is where I get to the point. I recently moved to a new town. I live with my best friend who also has a second job. We hardly see each other. I work full-time weekdays (got myself a big girl job) and also some long weekend shifts waitressing. I am still finding myself every couple of days having to run to the store to buy something that I have yet to replace from the fire --- if there were ever a way to suck the fun right out of shopping, go buy something that you've already purchased in a previous lifetime it seems, and watch your money wash away. NOT FUN. In my spare time I want to keep the puppy happy, but obviously need to cater to my own human needs as well. So I try to juggle between keeping up with old friends; whether it be happy hour or a shopping date or dinner back home, and making new friends.
Now I am not naive, but sometimes I should just assume the worst. I have met tons of new people, both girls and guys. And I am eager to get to know them better. However, I'll admit I've already canceled on some plans and chosen old friends over new. Sue me. I will also admit that I get along with guys much better than girls. There are many who I love dearly, and I stay in touch with them. As far as letting any more into my circle... only time will tell. As for guys, I take for granted the assumption that they're more easy going than girls, more fun, less drama... you get my drift. YET I HAVE BEEN PROVEN WRONG.
My girl friend and I met for drinks the other night and we wrote down on the back of a restaurant menu the list of guys who were, we'll say, pursuing me. Get your mind out of the gutter, I just mean they're persistent on trying to take me out to dinner, cook me dinner, see what a good guy they are, show me what they have to offer... the list of things I DID NOT WANT goes on. I've made it perfectly clear I just want to be friends. With each and every one.
This is why girls are called bitches. Because I feel like I have had to BREAK UP with half of them already when we have not even hung out, I have not implied I shared any interest, and I am damn sure I did not lead them on. But here I am, the bad guy, and clearly getting frustrated because I am typing in caps and yes... it means I'm yelling. Imagine me using my hands as I speak as well. May as well paint the whole picture.
First I'll agree to hang out with you and your friends. My intention is to meet new people and make new friends. This is, after all, the reason why I gave you my number. So why is it that after we exchange a few text messages, where I am POSITIVE the most personal information I have shared is that I am obsessed with my dog, the plans have gone from wing night with your friends to dinner at an expensive restaurant? Or better yet, you've invited yourself to my kitchen to cook me dinner.
NO, THANK YOU. Now I have to start making it obvious that I am not interested... because apparently "what happened to everyone hanging out together" isn't clear enough to you. Then I have to start making excuses. Valid ones, but I feel badly because I truly did want to hang out with you and your friends. But you've creeped me out and that ship has sailed. But oh, no, you're not a quitter. More like the little engine that could.
Clearly my only other option is to completely ignore you. I can't delete your number because I need to know when to dodge your calls. To make it more entertaining, I've probably made your name in my phone a funny emoticon... to alert me that you're an unwanted caller. #sorrynotsorry
AND THEN SHE GETS A TASTE OF HER OWN MEDICINE.
Starts off the same as every other one. They're more interested than I am. I know for a fact I did not give off any signals or flirt. I was clearly myself and polite. It's actually a turn off when you take my kindness as a compliment... I don't know you, I can't possibly "like" you so soon. This post has gotten lengthy so I'll spare myself the embarrassment of the situation and be brief.
[summarizing his text messages]
Wednesday - "long time no talk! how ya been? see you this weekend maybe!"
Friday - "hey, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!"
Saturday - "where are you, what are you doing, do you want to snuggle?" (you're cute so I'll let that last one slide... it's usually a red flag. you don't even know if I like to snuggle)
Sunday - texts are exchanged all day
Monday - "Wanna date?" (verbatim.)
Tuesday - more texts exchanged, "hey gorgeous" stands out
Wednesday - repeat Tuesday
Thursday - "morning sunshine"
Friday - and its all downhill
Saturday - no words
Sunday - date is clearly not happening.
Let me share an excerpt from the book, "He's Just Not Into You."
Dear Sad Sandi,
Your first mistake was approaching the guy. Everybody knows that women aren't supposed to approach men. We enjoy the chase! Never approach any guy that you are in to, if he likes you he'll approach you. As far as this guy being into you, he's about as into you as... ok, no example needed, he's just not! He's crazy for not valuing a relationship with a beautiful, smart, talented gal like you, so stop waiting around on this bum, and go out and find that guy who will appreciate you.
Greg
Well obviously I made my approach. I couldn't help it. (And I read this post-approach.) How the hell do you know you don't want to talk to me when you don't even know me yet? It's a little discouraging. Of course, that's not what I said.
I actually said this: "SO I'm not entirely sure what happened to hanging out today, and it's against my better judgement even saying anything to you, but it's completely fine that you changed your mind about a date! I hope we can still be friendly towards each other... I know you're busy and so am I but I feel kinda awkward going from talking a lot to not at all and just wanted to clear the air I guess? You're a nice guy and I just don't want the wrong impression besides the one I am making right now doing the girl thing and over thinking stuff"
I did okay, right?
HERE IS THE KICKER.
Guy: "I'm so sorry! I really do feel bad. I've just been going through a lot. I should have called and let you know. And of course I still want to be friendly with you. You're an awesome girl. I feel like a dick."
The important thing is to not let my mind wander and ask myself what he is going through. It's irrelevant. We didn't even know each other well enough to like each other -- I just finally was giving someone a shot and this is the reaction I get. A taste of my own medicine. The blow off. OUCH.
Maybe he heard something about me -- he is actually mutual friends with the ex boyfriend referenced in my last post. I'd run, too... I mean I left the guy in Myrtle Beach. Maybe he is still hung up on his girlfriend. Which means he is human and not screwing everything he sees because he still actually likes her. Can't be mad about that. Maybe he just determined from a few text messages exchanged that I wasn't worth his time.
OR MAYBE IT ISN'T THAT COMPLICATED. I know damn well that he hasn't put this much thought into this. And I will not put another thought into it. In reality, I exchanged a few texts with a guy I was attracted to and knew little about, for a few days. It amounted to nothing. My life has not changed, there is no whole in my heart, there is no void to fill with a tub of ice cream. My lesson learned is honestly to chalk it up as a loss -- not sure if it is his or mine yet -- but it's not worth dwelling over. There are plenty fish in the sea.
I've got to laugh it off and say... one out of ten on the list on back of that restaurant menu isn't too bad.